I went to a New Year’s Eve party and had a great time overall but noticed one situation that was unpleasant and unneeded. One young woman was unhappy with the amount and quality of the attention she was getting from her companion, so she decided to make an issue of it, demanding he take her home or wherever she wanted to go and appearing to this outsider as sabotaging a great night for herself that she could have had, if she had decided to handle the situation differently. Why is this situation a problem? For some I guess it wouldn’t be but for others it’s the same tune played by a different band.
Some of us want relationships or at least, situationships but we are our own worst enemies in finding what we want or at least recognizing that what we want is right in our faces. Like the New Year resolutions, we want to change something. We make a promise to change, we even try the change and then we eat that cake (not one piece but the whole thing) saying to ourselves that we deserve a reward. We stop working out and complain our schedules are too full, and then beat ourselves up for not following through. We have done it again, falling back in to old habits that no longer serve us.
Relationships work the same way, we sabotage what we have or what we want by falling back into old patterns which usually serve no purpose in our present life, although it may have saved us when we were young. Our demanding self comes out were everything must be our way, and damn anyone who does not agree. We walk around with our sword and shield demanding loyalty while we have none to give, yelling in our mind’s eye “respect my boundaries!” When we feel that we are not getting what we demand we slice the head off anyone in the way. But we usually don’t know how to implement healthy boundaries, so we do what we have seen in the past, what others have done and taught us to do. We implement boundaries that are impenetrable, harsh, critical of others and counterproductive to what we want.
For 2018 let’s agree to stop making resolutions and just make changes, A small change every day. We can finally put down our sword and shield and just be present in the moment learning who we are without our armor. How freeing would that be, knowing that we are not our worst enemy and sabotaging the future.
Is the owner of 360° Coaching and Counseling LLC, she is also a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC), a nationally certified Life Coach (AAC), a practicing Sex Therapist and educator. In her free time, she volunteers with different community organizations and enjoys speaking at events across the country.